Bloated Processor MTG Card


Bloated Processor facilitates a consistent card draw, bolstering hand options during pivotal game moments. Instant speed use provides stellar flexibility, allowing adaptability and control over the game’s tempo. High mana cost and discard requirement are trade-offs for its powerful battlefield and graveyard manipulation.
Card setsReleased in 4 setsSee all
Mana cost
Converted mana cost3
RarityRare
TypeCreature — Phyrexian
Abilities Incubate,Transform
Power 3
Toughness 2

Text of card

Sacrifice another Phyrexian: Put a +1/+1 counter on Bloated Processor. When Bloated Processor dies, incubate X, where X is its power. (Create an Incubator token with X +1/+1 counters on it and ": Transform this artifact." It transforms into a 0/0 Phyrexian artifact creature.)


Cards like Bloated Processor

Bloated Processor is one of those intriguing Magic: The Gathering entries that offers users a unique blend of abilities. Much like its predecessor, Mortarpod, this artifact creature has the ability to deal direct damage to creatures or players. While Mortarpod grants this with a living weapon mechanic, Bloated Processor takes it further by providing a death touch aspect, which means any amount of damage it deals is lethal.

Beside Mortarpod, there’s an interesting contrast with Grafted Wargear. Both cards can equip to a creature, but Grafted Wargear offers a significant power and toughness boost without the direct damage capability. Conversely, Bloated Processor focuses on strategic removal rather than bolstering a single creature’s stats. Another comparable card is Basilisk Collar, granting equipped creatures death touch and lifelink. It’s a testament to versatility but doesn’t have the same autonomous damage potential as Bloated Processor’s ability to operate both as a creature and an equipment.

In the realm of artifact creatures that wield utilitarian roles on the battlefield, Bloated Processor carves out its niche. Its particular combination of death touch and equipment synergy adds an intriguing tactical layer, setting it apart from other similar MTG cards in quite a distinctive manner.

Mortarpod - MTG Card versions
Grafted Wargear - MTG Card versions
Basilisk Collar - MTG Card versions
Mortarpod - MTG Card versions
Grafted Wargear - MTG Card versions
Basilisk Collar - MTG Card versions

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Royal Assassin - MTG Card versions
El-Hajjâj - MTG Card versions
Frozen Shade - MTG Card versions
Scathe Zombies - MTG Card versions
Sorceress Queen - MTG Card versions
Lost Soul - MTG Card versions
Mindstab Thrull - MTG Card versions
Mischievous Poltergeist - MTG Card versions
Strongarm Thug - MTG Card versions
Razortooth Rats - MTG Card versions
Ghastly Remains - MTG Card versions
Lord of the Undead - MTG Card versions
Deepwood Ghoul - MTG Card versions
Dross Prowler - MTG Card versions
Nim Abomination - MTG Card versions
Vesper Ghoul - MTG Card versions
Hypnotic Specter - MTG Card versions
Dusk Imp - MTG Card versions
Severed Legion - MTG Card versions

Decks using this card

MTG decks using Bloated Processor. Dig deeper into the strategy of decks, sideboard cards, list ideas and export to play in ARENA or MOL.

#NameFormatArchetypeEvent
Orzhov PoisonOrzhov Poison StandardOrzhov PoisonStandard Challenge 32 2024-03-30
Rakdos SacrificeRakdos Sacrifice StandardRakdos SacrificeThe Pizza Box Open: Standard
Rakdos EpiphanyRakdos Epiphany StandardRakdos Sacrifice~~ Izzet Explosive Experiment Event

Card Pros

Card Advantage: The Bloated Processor grants the wielder a way to delve into their deck and siphon off additional cards, thereby maintaining a steady flow of options and increasing their hand’s capabilities during crucial moments of the match.

Resource Acceleration: This formidable card contributes to an escalation of resources at your disposal. By streamlining your mana curve and offering strategic advantages, it allows for more powerful plays earlier in the game, setting the stage for a commanding presence on the battlefield.

Instant Speed: With the ability to deploy its effects at instant speed, it empowers players with flexibility and control. This tactical advantage lets the player adapt to changing game states, respond effectively to opponents’ actions, and optimize the timing of their strategies to seize the moment.


Card Cons

Discard Requirement: The Bloated Processor demands players to discard a card to initiate its ability. This can lead to detrimental trades in hand resources, particularly in scenarios where a player’s hand is already depleted or when every card holds crucial strategic importance for upcoming turns.

Specific Mana Cost: Bloated Processor comes with a specific and somewhat restrictive mana cost, necessitating a dedicated color commitment. This can impede the card’s inclusion in decks that favor a broader color palette or those that can’t reliably produce the necessary mana early in the game to deploy it effectively.

Comparatively High Mana Cost: The mana investment for Bloated Processor is on the higher side when comparing it to other options within the MTG card pool. Considering its cost, players might find that there are other cards that achieve similar or better effects without stretching the mana budget or requiring additional sacrifices such as discarding.


Reasons to Include Bloated Processor in Your Collection

Versatility: Bloated Processor offers a unique position in any deck that leverages sacrifice mechanics. Its ability to exile cards from an opponent’s graveyard while giving you a life boost is adaptable across various formats and strategies.

Combo Potential: This card is a perfect addition for decks focusing on life gain or graveyard manipulation. The health you gain can activate thresholds for certain abilities, making it a pivotal piece in intricate combos.

Meta-Relevance: In an environment where graveyard-based strategies are prevalent, Bloated Processor can act as a valuable counter. Its presence can disrupt opponent plans while bolstering your defenses, ensuring it remains a relevant choice for competitive play.


How to Beat Bloated Processor

Bloated Processor, as an emerging threat in the MTG arena, presents a unique challenge to players. Crafted to manipulate both graveyard contents and opponents’ strategies, it becomes paramount to devise an effective approach to counter this menacing artifact. Neutralizing the power of Bloated Processor hinges on rapid removal, thereby preventing your adversary from capitalizing on its recursion capability. Pinpoint spells like Artifact Blast or straightforward destruction with Naturalize are prudent choices to eliminate this artifact posthaste.

Aggressive strategies can also stifle the Processor’s impact. By prioritizing rapid assault, you can pressure your opponent, diverting their focus and resources away from the costly process of leveraging the Processor’s utility. Additionally, graveyard management is crucial. By incorporating graveyard hate cards such as Tormod’s Crypt, you can dismantle the core strategy behind Bloated Processor, rendering it a mere relic on the battlefield.

In sum, blunting the effectiveness of Bloated Processor requires a combination of timely artifact removal, aggressive tactics, and conscientious graveyard control. By dismantling its base of power, you ensure that this artifact remains a dormant threat rather than a decisive factor in the flow of the game.


BurnMana Recommendations

MTG enthusiasts understand that a deck’s strength is often in its nuance and adaptability. Bloated Processor offers both, providing a significant edge in the right build. Combining card advantage with resource acceleration, it encourages dynamic playstyles and strategic depth. While it might demand certain sacrifices, like a higher mana investment and card discards, the payoffs in deck synergy and meta relevance can be considerable. Eager to exploit its combo potentials or disrupt graveyard-reliant opponents? Bloated Processor could be a game-changer. Dive into our comprehensive guides and discover strategies to harness its powers effectively in your MTG arsenal.


Where to buy

If you're looking to purchase Bloated Processor MTG card by a specific set like March of the Machine Promos and March of the Machine, there are several reliable options to consider. One of the primary sources is your local game store, where you can often find booster packs, individual cards, and preconstructed decks from current and some past sets. They often offer the added benefit of a community where you can trade with other players.

For a broader inventory, particularly of older sets, online marketplaces like TCGPlayer, Card Kingdom and Card Market offer extensive selections and allow you to search for cards from specific sets. Larger e-commerce platforms like eBay and Amazon also have listings from various sellers, which can be a good place to look for sealed product and rare finds.

Additionally, Magic’s official site often has a store locator and retailer lists for finding Wizards of the Coast licensed products. Remember to check for authenticity and the condition of the cards when purchasing, especially from individual sellers on larger marketplaces.

Below is a list of some store websites where you can buy the Bloated Processor and other MTG cards:

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Printings

The Bloated Processor Magic the Gathering card was released in 2 different sets between 2023-04-21 and 2023-04-21. Illustrated by Brock Grossman.

#ReleasedNameCodeSymbolNumberFrameLayoutBorderArtist
12023-04-21March of the Machine PromosPMOM 93p2015NormalBlackBrock Grossman
22023-04-21March of the MachineMOM 3572015NormalBlackBrock Grossman
32023-04-21March of the Machine PromosPMOM 93s2015NormalBlackBrock Grossman
42023-04-21March of the MachineMOM 932015NormalBlackBrock Grossman

Legalities

Magic the Gathering formats where Bloated Processor has restrictions

FormatLegality
StandardLegal
HistoricbrawlLegal
HistoricLegal
LegacyLegal
OathbreakerLegal
GladiatorLegal
AlchemyLegal
PioneerLegal
CommanderLegal
ModernLegal
FutureLegal
VintageLegal
DuelLegal
ExplorerLegal
BrawlLegal
PennyLegal
TimelessLegal